The Many Worlds Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics and Choice in A Course in Miracles

Note: This article was originally published in Jon Mundy's Miracles magazine, Nov/Dec, 2013.

There are many principles in A Course in Miracles that run counter-intuitive to our daily experience. For example, the Course tells us we have only one choice, between the ego’s and the Holy Spirit’s thought systems. However, don’t we decide when to get up, what to eat, what career we have, etc.?

Recently I read about the Many Worlds Interpretation (MWI) of quantum mechanics, and the light bulb came on. MWI is commonly known as the parallel worlds theory. The theory states that every possible outcome that can happen, does happen. Every time a particle is observed it splits into a parallel universe in which the new idea becomes manifest. Thoughts are observations. For example, say you think, “I’d like to go to Tahiti on vacation. On second thought, I’d rather climb Mt. Everest.” Both of those scenarios manifest, but in separate universes that are unaware of each other. If you go to Tahiti, you don’t know that you climbed Mt. Everest in a parallel universe. This happens ad infinitum with every thought you have.

Is this what Jesus meant in the Bible when he said that committing adultery in one’s heart is the same as doing the deed?

The ramifications are mind-boggling. A Course in Miracles concurs with MWI in some areas, but not others. Like MWI, the Course states,

“All thinking produces form at some level” (T-2.VI.9:14) “You who believe that God is fear made but one substitution. It has taken many forms…It has become so splintered and subdivided and divided again, over and over, that it is now almost impossible to perceive it once was one, and still is what it was” (T-18.I.4:1-3).

Most physics theories, including MWI, insist that matter is the only reality and that mind does not exist. MWI denies the role of consciousness in observation. Rather, the mere act of looking is what causes the particle to separate into two distinct universes. In this theory, the world is deterministic and happening of its own accord. Choice plays no role.

In contrast to MWI, A Course in Miracles states Mind is the only reality and all physical form is illusion. Mind is outside of time and space, looking in.

A Course in Miracles both agrees and disagrees with MWI about the appearance of choice. There is no choice in the physical world, but there is choice in Mind. ACIM states that regarding the physical illusion we have only one choice to make, and even that choice is an illusion. Like MWI, the Course states that we are only looking, not really choosing. The only seeming choice we have is to look at the physical universe with either the perspective of the ego or the Holy Spirit. Since the choice is only about observing, or looking at the cosmos, it is not a choice between physical, tangible objects. Buying a red car or a blue one is a choice between illusions. Every apparent choice in the physical world can only be a choice between illusions, which is not true choice. This confuses the brain, which is convinced that it is making valid choices. However, the brain is part of the illusion too, because it’s part of the body. We are Mind, not bodies, and the brain is a filtering mechanism to shut out awareness of our true Identity as Mind.

“The laws that govern choice you cannot make, no more than you can make alternatives from which to choose. The choosing you can do; indeed, you must. But it is wise to learn the laws you set in motion when you choose, and what alternatives you choose between. We have already stressed there are but two, however many there appear to be. The range is set, and this we cannot change…there is but one choice that must be made…each choice you make brings everything to you or nothing”

(W-133.3:3-5; 4:1-3; 5:3).

The ego world, which is the physical universe, tricks us into believing that we are making choices, that we do have some semblance of control in this chaotic world. “If I can only make the right choices,” the ego reasons, “I will have a happy life.” The ego believes, “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.” ACIM counters,

“The world of time is the world of illusion. What happened long ago seems to be happening now. Choices made long since appear to be open; yet to be made. As the course emphasizes, you are not free to choose the curriculum, or even the form in which you will learn it” (my bold font) (M-2.3:1-2; 6). “You need to be reminded that you think a thousand choices are confronting you, when there is really only one to make. And even this but seems to be a choice” (W-p.I.138.4:1-2)

The Course is bluntly agreeing with MWI, that we think we are making multiple choices, but we’re really not. However, unlike MWI, A Course in Miracles acknowledges the crucial role of the only choice we think we can make while we think we are in a physical world. ACIM indicates that the physical world is deterministic, while the real world, the mind of love, is free.

MWI states that we can only be aware of one universe at a time. The observation, the looking, brings about the new universe. Similar to MWI, the Course tells us we cannot see both the world of the ego and the real world of the Holy Spirit at the same time.

“It is impossible to see two worlds which have no overlap of any kind. Seek for the one; the other disappears. They are the range of choice beyond which your decision cannot go. The real and the unreal are all there are to choose between” (W-p.I.130.5). “Two ways of looking at the world are in your mind, and your perception will reflect the guidance you have chosen” (T-12.VII.5:6).

A Course in Miracles bids us to look at the world with the Holy Spirit, not to make choices to alter things.

“Seek not to change the world,

but choose to change your mind about the world” (T-21.In.1:7).

Miracles are the result of looking with the Holy Spirit. Miracles collapse the laws of time and space because form is simply a projection of the mind and has no independent existence. Miracles pop us into another dimension, a new universe. For example, say you are angry and want to yell at a loved one. One universe spins off in which you yell, and perhaps the relationship is severed, not to be healed for what seems many lifetimes. But if you ask, “Holy Spirit, look at this with me,” you may communicate with your loved one and the relationship may deepen. Whichever eyes you use—ego’s eyes of separation or the Holy Spirit’s eyes of love—will determine the universe you see. ACIM reminds us,

“Miracles are part of an interlocking chain of forgiveness which, when completed, is the Atonement. Atonement works all the time and in all the dimensions of time” (T-1.I.25). Jesus says, “When you perform a miracle, I will arrange both time and space to adjust to it” (T-2.V.A.11: 3). The miracle substitutes for learning that might have taken thousands of years. The miracle shortens time by collapsing it, thus eliminating certain intervals within it (T-1.II.6:7, 9).

The reason we only appear to have one choice between two alternatives is that the ego thought system is time and space. It is an illusory, closed system that was over in that same instant in which we had the tiny mad idea of separation. We are mind, asleep in heaven, observing, or dreaming, a physical cosmos of infinite dimensions. In heaven there is oneness. There is no choice because choice implies separate things to choose between.

After I researched MWI I awoke in the middle of the night with massive anxiety. Then I looked at the fear with the Holy Spirit and was reminded of Lesson 346.

“The peace of God envelops me and I forget all things except His Love.”

I fell back asleep to sweet dreams.

Lorri Coburn, MSW, is the author of Breaking Free: How Forgiveness and A Course in Miracles Can Set You Free. Visit her website, www.lorricoburn.com, to see youtube videos on ACIM. 

Proof of Heaven: A Book Review

Proof of Heaven—do not let the title fool you that this is a Christian tome about streets of gold and pearly gates. Eben Alexander, M.D., a well-respected neurosurgeon, saw many medical cases in which patients claimed to have seen deceased loved ones or heaven. He dismissed them all as chemical processes in the brain—until he had his own near-death experience while in a seven-day coma. Alexander states that while in his coma his neo-cortex was non-functional. The only thing keeping his body alive was his brain stem.

Alexander says he was a Christmas and Easter church-goer, and thought ideas of God were pleasant fantasies. In his coma, however, Alexander experienced angelic beings, and sounds and sights more beautiful than anything on earth. He gives a list of scientific explanations that he used to cite as reasons for these “delusions,” and refutes most of them because his neo-cortex was not functional and it’s the neo-cortex that processes such experiences. He also refutes other scientific versions in an appendix, with medical language that only a physician would understand.

Alexander was in a coma induced by bacterial meningitis, and his recovery was a medical miracle in itself. He should have died and his story alternates chapters between his medical condition that worsened day-by-day, and his concurrent experiences in the other realm.

While on the “other side,” which Alexander states is really a dimension that is right here, he had a female guide who took him on a tour of the universe. He’d always had a fascination with flying, astronomy and physics, and found that while out of body he gained instantaneous knowledge and understanding of how the universe works that would take him years to learn here.  He reports that he did not see any loved ones in the other dimension and had no personal identity as a neurosurgeon who had an earthly family to which he wanted to return. He feels his lack of a sense of personal self allowed him to go deeper into the experience than most others who have near-death experiences. While he thought he had not seen any loved ones, once out of his coma he was given a picture of his birth sister, whom he’d never met because he was adopted and she had died. He was shocked to find that she was the angelic guide who gave him the tour of the universe.  

Alexander states that our physical existence on earth is like a speck of dust compared to the vast reality of love beyond space and time. The reason we do not recognize true reality is that the brain filters it out of our consciousness. While Alexander used to think that consciousness was solely of the brain, he now knows that the brain has nothing to do with consciousness and our sense of existence goes on beyond the body. Again, he knows this because his neo-cortex, which allows for the organization of personal life information, was not functioning. He now feels that our society, while it has benefitted from technology, needs to regain its lost sense of the mystical. Without knowledge of our oneness with each other and all life, we are prone to random violence, escalating greed, global pollution and lack of purpose and meaning.

Alexander states his scientific mind never allowed him to believe a loving God exists. In fact, he calls the God he experienced “Om,” a feminine presence whose message is that love is all there is. “Om” felt like the primordial creative sound that pulses throughout the universe. This presence is available to everyone and has nothing to do with accepting religious tenets or being a good person. The main messages Alexander received were: all of us are loved and cherished; there is nothing to fear; we can never do anything wrong.

I have read a number of near-death accounts and what I like about Alexander’s is that his description of life beyond the body most closely resembles what is taught in A Course in Miracles (ACIM). ACIM is the only spiritual path that satisfactorily answered my questions about world suffering. Some of the areas in which Proof of Heaven sounds like it’s right from ACIM are:

Ø      The brain does not really think. It filters bits and pieces of information and formulates a story. This is what it decides is reality, all the while true reality lies outside its awareness. Our daily experiences are an illusion. However, love is the true reality and the love we have for our children, spouses, friends, pets, etc. never dies.

Ø      Time does not exist in reality. Time and space are only a function of the dualistic nature in the physical universe.

Ø      We are loved, innocent and there is nothing to fear.

Ø      We must choose love instead of fear because we are allowed to choose what we will experience.

Ø      The false belief in separation from God is the source of all anxiety and problems and the solution for every problem is recognizing that we are one with each other and God.

Ø      Physicality is characterized by defensiveness. There is no loss in Spirit, therefore nothing to defend.

Ø      Alexander described life as being like an egg and the creative aspect of God is the shell around the egg’s contents. However, he felt that while his consciousness was identified with all that is, he could never fully become one with Source. A Course in Miracles  likewise indicates that God is beyond consciousness.  

Proof of Heaven is both enlightening and entertaining and it is a must-read for anyone interested in life beyond the body. It is especially helpful for skeptics with a scientific bent, as it answers commonly-held criticisms scientists hold about consciousness and God.

The Connecticut School Shooting and ACIM

My heart clutched with horror and grief when I heard about the Connecticut school shooting. I ached for the parents who lost their children, but, unable to tolerate that level of pain, I immediately surged forth with rage at political and societal factors I believed caused this tragic incident. I had plans to attend a Christmas gathering the next day and many of the attendees were of a different political persuasion than me. I found myself attacking them in my head. I hope one of your kids gets killed. Then maybe you won’t be so smug in your beliefs.

Appalled, I saw in myself the murderous thought system that A Course in Miracles says abides in all of us. I was no different than the shooter or the people I blamed for their “wrong” beliefs. Rage, boiling from within me, led me to wish death on loved ones! My rage was not caused by what appeared to happen in Connecticut. My rage was not caused by other people’s political agendas. My rage is my own, and I am the one who has to take responsibility for it.

A Course in Miracles tells us to pray to see things differently, so I did. The first words I heard were, “Lorri, there is no world! There is no world! There is no world! (W-132.6:2) (The miracle) looks on devastation and reminds the mind that what it sees is false.” (W-p.II.13.1:3) This calmed me down. Emotions are an ego device, designed to make the world seem real. They work well, for how can the world not be real when it feels so intense? The ego voice argued with the Holy Spirit. But if I don’t feel for the parents, if I don’t take political action to stop escalating gun violence, aren’t I being callous and complacent?

The Holy Spirit reminded me that action in the world, if we are guided to take such action, must be taken from a standpoint of love, not rage. Rage is a cover for fear and fear always stems from the ego thought system. My desire to point out my friends’ political insanity was clearly not coming from love. Our task as students of A Course in Miracles is to choose love over fear consistently. We have to choose Truth over illusion and not waver, because the second we believe in the false world we perceive, we’re in hell. Forgiveness is not callously denying the pain a brother thinks he is experiencing—it’s a blessing of sanity on an insane world. “(Forgiveness) looks on them with quiet eyes, and merely says to them, ‘My brother, what you think is not the truth.’” (W-134.7:5)

A Course in Miracles says there is no cause for the Connecticut shooting, because it is a dream of death being projected from our sick minds. A dream is an illusion. ACIM says the entire world is in our minds. It’s not out there! The only way violence, disease, poverty and injustice are going to stop is by healing our minds, for the mind is the source of the belief in separation. We have invented a world of chaos, murder and suffering because we think we’re separate from God. We think we’re shameful and guilty, but because facing that shame is unbearable, we project it onto others. “Do not forget, however, to deny God will inevitably result in projection, and you will believe that others and not yourself have done this to you.” (T-10.V.2:1)

When we remember God, we know we are the holy Son of God who cannot suffer. I thought I had faced my belief in separation, but there were deeper levels I was still defended against. My rage at the shooting was evidence that I continued to believe I was a body, vulnerable and capable of being attacked. The random shootings in public places left me frightened and feeling bereft without God in this terrible, cruel world. As the Course says, “The world provides no safety. It is rooted in attack.” (W-153.1:2-3) Our only safety is in our relationship with God. Our only peace is in not returning attack for attack, but choosing to forgive. Then we will wake up from our nightmare and be restored to our oneness with each other and God.

As I forgave those who held different opinions, forgave myself, and forgave the entire Connecticut tragedy, the sense of separation lifted. As I continued to pray for guidance and healed perception, I was reminded that the body’s eyes see only the past. (Lesson 7) What appears to be happening in the world is over and done. Every single person that appeared to be killed or peripherally hurt in the Connecticut tragedy is an eternal, holy Child of God. If you want to give a true gift to them, pray in a manner such as: “I see the Christ in You. You are a holy Child of God. You cannot suffer. You are as God created You. You are safe at home in Heaven now.”

This is the Truth of their Being, and of your own. To join in suffering perpetuates the illusion, but to join in Truth is to make whole.

Merry Christ-mass! May the Christ Self be born in your awareness this season.

Love, Lorri

Physical Healing with A Course in Miracles

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/poeticenergynetworkstation/2012/12/06/breaking-free-with-psychotherapist-lorri-coburn

Here is an hour radio episode in which I discuss physical healing with A Course in Miracles. I read from the book Gorgeous for God, by Lisa Natoli, an ACIM teacher who has had a positive influence on my spiritual growth. Her website is www.teachersofgod.org.

We discuss how healing occurs when we release the concept of linear time and move into the NOW. In the present moment you are spirit and you cannot be sick. When you learn to identify with your true identity as spirit, you shift dimensions and move outside of time and space. Miracles happen and you know that you are healed.

Handling Health & Money Problems

Dear Miracle Musings Readers,

Here is a common question from the “Ask Lorri” section of my website, www.lorricoburn.com. Thought I’d pass it on, since so many of us struggle with health and money issues.

Hello, Lorri, Thanks for your mind-opening response to my questions. I have a couple more if you don't mind. The world is an illusion so how does one handle debts, poor health, etc.? We must still find a way to meet our earthly obligations in some way. How does one do this if there is no money to handle day to day living? I ponder things like this and hope you and your experience in acim can shed some light on these matters. Thank you. PS:  Just starting to read your book Breaking Free.  Herman

Hi, Herman,

Your question about handling earthly bills and poor health is a common one. A Course in Miracles tells us our only function is forgiveness, and we have to forgive the belief in death. All forms of lack stem from the belief in death. “Death is the central idea from which all illusions stem.”(Manual for Teachers, #27) “Death is a thought that takes on many forms, often unrecognized. It may appear as sadness, fear, anxiety or doubt; as anger, faithlessness and lack of trust; concern for bodies, envy, and all forms in which the wish to be as you are not may come to tempt you.” (Lesson 163) 

We have forgotten that we’re the holy Son of God who cannot possibly die. We have become afraid and projected an illusion in which we appear as bodies that can die. We think we can get sick, lose our homes, lose our loved ones, etc. However, when we forgive our illusions, miracles occur. We are guided by the Holy Spirit to do whatever it takes to pay our bills, protect our health, etc. “The Holy Spirit will answer every specific problem as long as you believe that problems are specific.” (Ch. 11, Sec. VII) This may not look like the ego expects. We may not get as much money as we want or our health may not improve as fast as we want. But we can be sure that if we’re asking for help to forgive, we will get what we need to awaken. The Holy Spirit’s purpose is to use our illusions to help us return our minds to God. We are already home with God, but we don’t know it. If we knew it, we wouldn’t have a care in the world.

Most of us put the cart before the horse. We want to get enough money, improve our health, or improve our relationships, and then we’ll trust God. When we turn that around and decide to forgive first, everything falls in place. A Course in Miracles is continually re-minding us that the only way out of our problems is forgiveness. We made the problems up, so we can’t fix them. Plus, they’re not real, so our attempts to fix them are keeping us stuck in the illusion. When we choose forgiveness, over and over and over, we discover the happiness we were looking for in perfect health or wealth.

A practical way to approach your bills and health is to pray, “Holy Spirit, help me to forgive my illusions. Help me to see things differently. Help me to release the beliefs in lack and separation from my Source.” The workbook lessons systematically train your mind to forgive. Forgiveness, when it becomes a habit, is the key to happiness (Lesson 121).

Thanks for reading Breaking Free. I’m sure it will help you understand what ACIM teaches.

Blessings,

Lorri

Does the Holy Spirit Act in the World?

Question about ACIM: Hi Lorri, In Acim it is said that God did not create this world and God does not even know about this world and that Holy Spirit does not operate within this dream to help us improve it. How then can those miracles be explained which occur when \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\"normal\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\" religious people (not students of acim) pray for something and really unbelievable things occur as a result when God has answered their prayers. And in Bible it is also said that we must pray and ask if we want to get something. If God does not know about this world how are these then to explain? They could not come from our mind because we do could not even imagine beforehand what might happen.

Soile

Dear Soile,

Thanks for writing. You mention that in ACIM it says God does not know of this world and the Holy Spirit does not operate in the world. There are passages in ACIM that could be interpreted this way, but there are many passages that suggest that God does know of this world and the Holy Spirit does take action in the world.

There are different schools of thought about the interpretation of ACIM. The school of thought noted in your question could be called “pure non-duality.” It can be understood most simply by the idea “God is, and nothing else exists.” God is Oneness, and in Oneness there can be no other thing. For God to know of anything outside Itself, there would have to be two things. This would then be duality, rather than non-duality.

There is another school of thought called “qualified non-duality.” This idea suggests God is in everything, and everything is interconnected, therefore it is all One. It’s all one energy or substance, and we are one with each other. We just appear separate. This thought system believes that God is in form, while the pure non-duality system cites the passage, “God knows not form.” (T-30.III.4:5)

Duality is the idea that people are on earth and God is somewhere out there, separated from us. Duality is the condition of opposite states, such as light and dark, male and female, heaven and hell.

A Course in Miracles is written on all three levels, so whatever a person believes about God, he can find an answer in the Course. Often when we start studying the Course we believe we are individuals, separated from God, and we pray to God/Goddess for help. As we progress on our spiritual journey, we come to understand God is within us, and we are part of God. We no longer pray to someone out there, but we access God within. Further along in our understanding, many people grasp the concept that there is nothing but God, and we are It. This is an abstract concept that usually only comes when we have sufficiently cleared away ego blocks to its awareness. At this point we realize the ego, bodies, and the physical world do not, and have never, existed. The only prayer is one of joy and gratitude for eternal union with Love. We know we have no needs, for we are the Christ Self which is completely whole and home with God.

In the meantime, while we think we are separate individuals with separate bodies, A Course in Miracles suggests we pray to the Holy Spirit for our specific needs. Jesus, in writing the Course, knew that we do not believe we are whole. If we did, we’d have no need for help. The Course states, “His Voice (the Holy Spirit’s) will direct you very specifically. You will be told all you need to know.” (T-1.I.4) “The Holy Spirit will answer every specific problem as long as you believe that problems are specific. His answer is both many and one, as long as you believe that the one is many.” (T-11.VIII.5:5-6) Note that this answers both in duality and non-duality. It says as long as we think we’re people who have needs, we’ll be answered specifically. But it also suggests that when we awaken, we’ll realize we have no needs, for the One is not separated into many parts.

The Holy Spirit’s specific answers are what give us miracles, whether someone is an ACIM student or of another religious persuasion. The Holy Spirit is really your Higher Self, your inner connection to God. When you tap into that, miracles happen. It does not matter what religious rules you follow. If you believe in God’s love and help, you will receive them. The important thing is to believe.

A Course in Miracles states that miracles remain at the level of perception, where they are needed. What that means is when we think we are separate from God, we need miracles to help us get home. However, there is no world outside of our mind, therefore in truth, there is no world for the Holy Spirit to help us with. That's why some teachings emphasize that the Holy Spirit does not take action in the world. When we know that we are the mind of God, outside of time and space, we need nothing. Perception and miracles happen in the world of form. Yet God is formless, changeless and eternal. This is pure non-duality, and this is outside of time and space.  

I hope this answers your question. Feel free to contact me again if you need clarification. Don’t worry if this is confusing. It took me years to grasp these concepts, and I still get confused at times.

Blessings,

Lorri

Love & Beauty in Death

My dad’s body had the yellow-gray pallor of death. His mouth hung ajar and one eye was slightly open, glazed. He had taken his last breath a half hour before and he was dead. Or was he? His Spirit hung in the room palpably. I could feel him. I embraced his head and wept, yet oddly felt calm. It was if he was whispering to me, “It’s ok. I love you. I’m here.” It was my job to call the undertaker, but I couldn’t. He was still there. It would be like burying someone alive. My brother, sister, partner and I sat in his room next to the body, reminiscing for four hours. Each one of us said we could feel him there, silently joining in the conversation. An interesting thing about death is that once the body drops, we can often forgive everything in an instant. Why is this? A Course in Miracles says it’s because the body was never real to begin with. “The body is a fence the Son of God imagines he has built, to separate parts of his Self from other parts. The body is a dream.” (W-p.II.5.1:1; 3:1) Somewhere in our psyche we know this is true, that no one is contained by a body. The One Higher Self, of which each of us is a fragment of the whole, cannot be separate from Itself. Love is what’s real behind the form, and Love is the only thing that’s eternal. That’s what I felt when my dad dropped his body. Love. Pure Love, unfettered by a fence, a barrier called a body. When we experience the unreality of the body, it can be easier to forgive. The body’s gone, but we still love the person. When the body is present, we have expectations and get angry when they’re not met. I was often irritated because I wanted my dad to get up and go to the bathroom without me having to remind or help him. Without the body, that’s not an issue. After he passed, my dad’s body had the grotesque appearance of the dead. But he appeared radiant. He glowed. As I stood next to his dead body, I thought of the lines in A Course in Miracles: “Can you imagine how beautiful those you forgive will look to you? In no fantasy have you ever seen anything so lovely.” (T-17.II.1:1-2) Is there a loved one you feel separated from, either by death or other means? Imagine him or her here, right now. S/he is here. You cannot, and have not, lost them. May you feel loved and blessed. Lorri Coburn ~I do spiritual coaching to help clients connect with their loved ones, “dead” or alive. Lack of connection is usually a block from our own guilt. This can be removed with forgiveness. Please email me at info@lorricoburn.com if you are interested in spiritual coaching.

Love and Betrayal

“You are a slime bag! You’ve sunk as low as you can go! What the hell has happened to you?” I raged inside, fuming over the legal charges my former lover, Kent, had brought against me. I obsessed, “Why? Why? Why? Why couldn’t you just talk to me instead of going to an f-ing court?”

For the next four years I alternated between feeling furious and forgiving Kent. Why did he have to end our relationship with hatred? Who had he become? I swore in anger and wept in grief.

I study A Course in Miracles, (ACIM) whose primary principle is forgiveness. The Course suggests that we turn over our thoughts to the Holy Spirit, which can also be called our inner voice, our Higher Self. Some things we just can’t forgive on our own, and Kent’s betrayal was one of these. The feelings ran too raw and too deep.

I practiced, “Holy Spirit, Help me see this differently. I choose forgiveness. I am not the victim of Kent.” As I held the intention to forgive, the ideas of ACIM began to sink in. A Course in Miracles tells us that our world is a reflection of our thoughts, so Kent’s legal action merely reflected my inner guilt. Indeed, I had felt guilty about my relationship with him for many years. Our relationship began in sordid circumstances, so I felt guilty about that. I felt guilty about still loving him when I was in a good relationship with another man I loved. It began to dawn on me that Kent’s legal charges were not so much about him hating me, as me hating myself.

A Course in Miracles tells us that we don’t realize it, but we are actually making other people act out for us. They merely do what we would have them do. This is a tall order when someone kicks you in the teeth. The Course also reminds us that the guilt we are aware of is only the tip of the iceberg. It took me four years to see it, but as I practiced forgiving Kent, I awakened. The process of looking at my guilt was excruciating. On the courtroom stand I sobbed and sobbed, unable to stop myself. I thought the judge must think I was an unstable idiot, but he gave me a good recommendation.

I would never have seen the depth of this guilt had Kent not brought legal action. I had been involved in a vicious custody battle for my daughter years before, but apparently had not expiated the inner guilt enough. I needed another court battle to see the bottomless hatred of the ego thought system. I actually thought I loved myself. Once I looked at the guilt I could release it, but I couldn’t heal what I didn’t know was there.

Kent was what A Course in Miracles calls my savior. He was my angel in disguise, showing me blocks that needed to be cleared away for me to love myself. Forgiving Kent transferred to forgiving me. The miracle is that I no longer blame Kent for what he did to me, or, as the Course would say, what he didn’t do. I am free. Thank you, Kent.

Love and Loss in Hollywood: Dear John

Boy meets girl. It’s love at first sight. They’re wrenched apart. They reunite.

What is it about this dramatic motif that pulls us in? Why is the theme of love and loss a perennial favorite in Hollywood? We know how the movies are going to end, yet we watch them with first-time wonder.

Dear John was a 2010 box office hit that critics panned but viewers loved. It is a touching love story based on Nicholas Sparks’ novel, illustrating the heart-wrenching decisions we make in the face of difficult life circumstances.

John and Savannah fall in love on spring break and she must return to college while he has a year to go in the Army special forces. Tragedy strikes with 9/11 and John decides to extend his tour of duty against Savannah’s protests. She initially stands by her man and waits, but as time stretches with no return date, she sends him a “Dear John” letter. She’s decided to marry another man who has cancer, so his child, whose mother has abandoned him, will be cared for.

Dear John pulls us in because it reflects the archetypes that move our souls and give our lives meaning. Archetypes are human behavior patterns that cross cultural boundaries, such as the lover, warrior, mother and father. As we watch Dear John we recognize our own struggles with loss and love and the conflicts that opposing archetypes represent.

As lovers, Savannah and John desperately want to be together but John’s warrior nature compels him to re-up in the Army following his country’s worst military trauma since Vietnam. Savannah’s love for John propels her to wait for an extended period, but her feelings for another man, her need to be needed and her mothering instinct take over. The man who woos Savannah knows she loves John in a way she’ll never love him, but his fatherly drive to protect his child overrides his desire to be number one in Savannah’s life.

While many accept life’s losses and struggles as “just the way it is,” others cry out in rage at the injustice of life. Philosophers have speculated about the meaning of life since time began, each coming up with a different explanation. Religions explain away tragedies with various ideas about God’s love for, disappointment with, or indifference to man.

In the past 40 years a new thought system has arisen called A Course in Miracles. It synthesizes Eastern spirituality and Western Christianity and philosophy with Freudian psychology. It is a comprehensive thought system that explains human behavior and the meaning of life. A Course in Miracles says we are dreaming our lives and everything is in our mind, with no external reality. Our mind is like a film projector, projecting what it thinks onto the screen of the world. The mind has two opposing sets of beliefs, the wrong mind of loss and separation, and the right mind of wholeness and oneness. We are always choosing between the wrong mind and the right mind, between fear and love.

When the mind believes in loss and separation, it projects a world of bodies whose needs conflict with each other. No two bodies have exactly the same drives and needs, so loss is inevitable. However, because we are mind, we are simply dreaming of separation. The right mind knows we are all one and there is no separation. It compels our inherent longing to return to our oneness. It’s that wistful feeling of wanting to go home we all have.

Our archetypal roles get played out alternately by the right and wrong minds. The ego, our small self personality, is part of the wrong mind. Our egos are always afraid because the ego script is “damned if you do; damned if you don’t.” Invariably, our inner archetypal drives conflict with opposing drives within ourselves and our loved ones. Hence, we experience loss and turmoil, which is the essence of drama. Savannah and John fall in love because they feel one with each other. When we fall in love, we see the perfection that is possible in truth, but not possible at the level of bodies. As they continue in their relationship, their separate ego needs compete for attention, and loss ensues, in spite of their love for each other. Happiness can never be permanent in the world of bodies, because bodies must separate and die.

A Course in Miracles provides a way out of this dilemma. It re-minds us that we are dreaming and cannot be separate. Whether or not bodies are together, minds are always joined. This is exemplified by John and Savannah’s enduring love, in their minds, regardless whether he is half a world away at war, or whether she marries another man. Loss pulls at our heart strings and creates a yearning to reunite with the beloved. If we stay in the wrong mind, we continue to feel loss and separation. If we choose the right mind, we feel our oneness no matter what.

Forgiveness is the tool to awaken the truth that we can never lose the ones we love. Forgiveness is a conscious choice to join rather than separate, regardless of how someone has hurt us. Dear John speaks to our hearts, as John and Savannah are reunited when they forgive.

True to Hollywood, there is a happy movie ending, but many of us never see our old flames again. Yet in our souls, in the lovers archetype, part of us knows separation is an illusory dream of the ego. Loss cannot be real when minds are together. When we choose our right mind of love we are whole.

Loss is always resolved, just not always Hollywood style.

Urinating Marines Deserve More Forgiveness, Fewer Sanctions

As Marines urinate on the dead enemy’s bodies, we hear the outcry, “This is uncivilized, un-American, an abomination!”

This is hypocrisy at its finest. It’s ok to kill, but desecrating bodies that no longer feel anything is an outrage.

War is never civilized. It is ugly. It is down to the bones mean. We send our kids over to kill the enemy, and when they join in a task well-done, they are crucified. These Marines were enacting a bonding ritual that strengthens their comradeship. For them to kill, as we command them to, they need to be tough, to see the enemy as worthless. They have to pull together. They crush the enemy together, and finish the job by pissing on him when it’s done. A Marine needs to know the guy covering his back is willing to go all the way.

War is animalistic. Animals mark their territory by urinating. When these Marines act in accord with their nature, and follow orders to kill, it is not they who are wrong. We are wrong to unjustly punish them.

In different circumstances, that one act of urination unseen, these Marines would be hailed as heroes. These young men are highly skilled snipers, not your average Joe. They endured grueling training: don’t flinch when being bitten by bugs; hold bodily functions; and lie perfectly still for hours. They accomplished their mission for our country. But because they got carried away, albeit in an unsettling manner, their careers may be ruined.

Every one of us is capable of heinous behavior, but we don’t like to admit it. Instead, we project our guilt onto others. We make an enemy to carry our shame so we don’t have to look at it. These young men are being scapegoated so the rest of us can maintain the illusion of our innocence. The public outcry is the result of our inability to look at our own shadow sides.

We prefer to ruin the reputations of these Marines rather than look at our hypocrisy. But, we cry, we would not be as barbarous as they. A Course in Miracles calls this the false face of innocence. We are filled with attack thoughts, but the face we present to the world is one of purity. War is a necessary evil, we must kill the enemy, but we would never pee on his dead body.

The Geneva Convention guidelines prohibit certain wartime behaviors, and this does indeed bring an ounce of civility into an impossible, uncivilized situation. The protocols are designed to bring humanitarian treatment to war victims. However, the bodies the Marines urinated on were already dead. What the Marines did was unseemly, but their actions must be held in the light that extreme conditions beget extreme behaviors. Before we haul them down, let us remember the merciful adage from A Course in Miracles, how we judge another is how we judge ourselves deep down. These fine young men, while requiring consequences and correction, deserve our understanding and forgiveness.

(The face of innocence is one of the ego dynamics I write about in Breaking Free: How Forgiveness and A Course in Miracles Can Set You Free. Go to www.lorricoburn.com to preview the book.)

Blessings, Lorri

2012: The End of the World?

Apocalyptic wars. tsunamis, and plagues? The end of the world on December 21, 2012? An era of prolonged peace following the War of Armageddon?

Prophecies and predictions abound regarding the year 2012. What does the spiritual teaching of A Course in Miracles have to say about it?

Nothing. 2012 is not mentioned. A Course in Miracles concerns itself only with the mind that is outside of time and space, and 2012 is a year in linear time.

What is this mind outside of time and space? It’s our mind. It’s what we are. A Course in Miracles tells us that we are mind that’s dreaming up a world of form. We’re asleep, dreaming a nightmare of an earth filled with terror, much like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. The lions and tigers and bears along the yellow brick road are the dire predictions of doom, death and destruction. We’ve been dreaming up the end of the world for millennia, long before 2012 arrived.

The world we are dreaming appears as a place of scarcity through violent wars and more subtle wars of unfair trade. Countries grab land and resources from other locales, because we believe there’s not enough to go around. We believe in separation instead of the oneness of humanity, and are afraid that if we don’t steal what we want, we’ll never get it.

The good news is that the mind that dreams of terror can also dream of peace. There is a part of our mind, called the right mind, which is pure Love. This part is connected to all living beings and knows our togetherness. It’s the part of us that aspires to world peace, kindness and goodness.

When we access our right mind, the world of terror can indeed cease to exist. A Course in Miracles tells us once we see we’re dreaming up the world, we can choose what type of world we want to dream. But first we have to recognize we’re the dreamers. We have to admit we’re just like Dorothy.

When Dorothy awoke from her coma, she insisted that Oz was a real place. It felt real because the wicked witch and the wizard evoked intense emotions. Feelings make us believe the world outside of our mind is real.

So will the world end in 2012? Yes, the world of hatred, lack and ugliness will end if we choose love over fear. And that can happen in any holy instant, not just in 2012. How do we choose love? We make a mental decision to forgive the dream: “I choose to see love instead of fear. I choose a new perception of the world. I choose to awaken from the dream I made up.” Your right mind then takes over and you dream what A Course in Miracles calls “the happy dream.”

I write more about A Course in Miracles in my book, Breaking Free: How Forgiveness and A Course in Miracles Can Set You Free. It’s available on Barnes and Noble, Amazon, and my website, www.lorricoburn.com.

Happy New Year and sweet dreams in 2012.

Watching a Loved One Die

I knew the day would come. But now that it’s here I’m still devastated.

My dad sat at the slot machine, bewildered, pointing to the row of four fruits, asking what they meant. He tried to touch the machine next to him, thinking it would make his machine work. He didn’t know which buttons to push, so he just pushed all of them. “I don’t know what to do,” he said, plaintively, his eyes beseeching me for answers.

I’ve been taking my dad to the casino for the past eight years, every week since he lost his driver’s license. Tears stream as I write this, knowing I won’t be taking him back.
He won $335, the most he’s ever won since I’ve been taking him. I guess that’s a fitting way to go out. But he didn’t even realize he’d won big—he was just confused.

My dad’s dementia has been a huge forgiveness issue for me. It’s made the lessons of A Course in Miracles all the more pertinent, as I witness his body slowly waste away. It’s a general lesson in the non-importance of the body. Our society tries to keep these bodies alive at all costs, completely missing the point that the body is not the home of Spirit. I’ve been taught the body is a sacred miracle. To that I respond, “Have you been to a nursing home lately?”

A Course in Miracles tells us that we are mind, not bodies. It “re-minds” us to “remember always that you cannot be anywhere except in the Mind of God. When you forget this, you will despair and you will attack. (T-9.VIII.5) This has been of great comfort to me as I watch my dad, my hero, reduced to pooping his pants several times a day, no longer able to complete a coherent sentence, and unable to formulate a four-letter Scrabble word. He used to regularly use all seven tiles.

I let the tears flow, but still remind myself I’m seeing an illusion. When I think we are these bodies, I am attacking my true Identity. It’s all in the mind and I am projecting a world of loss and separation in which it appears that my beloved father can struggle and die. I am grateful that the Course tells me that a loving God did not create this scenario. Instead, I’m dreaming it and can change my mind with the Holy Spirit’s help.

One of my favorite lessons from the Workbook is # 284: I Can Elect to Change All Thoughts that Hurt. It reads, “Loss is not loss when properly perceived. Pain is impossible. There is no grief with any cause at all. And suffering of any kind is nothing but a dream. This is the truth.”

As I repeat this over and over, Truth dawns in my awareness. I can never lose my dad. Minds are joined, bodies are not. The form of my dad’s body (and mine) has never been real, but the reflection of love is what’s real behind the form. Indeed, love is the only thing that’s real. He and I will always be connected, for he and I are one.

I write more about how we can wake up from the nightmare of loss in Breaking Free: How Forgiveness and A Course in Miracles Can Set You Free. You can read previews or order it from my website or from Amazon. www.lorricoburn.com

May your losses be transformed into love. Blessings, Lorri Coburn

Toss Your Resolutions

You know you’re going to break them. You do it every year. So why not try your resolutions the Course in Miracles way? What’s that? The easy way. You forgive yourself for your flaws, and then your Higher Self breaks through and effortlessly takes care of the problem. When we are in the flow of divine love, change is easy, delightful and carefree.

Usually New Year’s resolutions involve putting your nose to the grindstone and giving something up. Most resolutions come from a withering sense of failure. Our determination to change only lasts awhile, until we are beset with recurring self-criticism. Permanent change doesn’t come from pumping ourselves up with affirmations and visualizations focused on obtaining things. Those can help move us along, but the only lasting change comes from loving ourselves. But how do we love ourselves when at our core there is massive self-hatred? Our self-hatred goes way deeper than we even realize. The self-loathing we are conscious of is only the tip of the iceberg. Affirmations are done consciously but they often don’t attend to the unconscious maliciousness that’s running the show. Affirmations to be healthier and wealthier may make us feel better for awhile, but then the subconscious snake springs forth to bite us. Many of us have worked for years on our financial prosperity, our health, and our relationships with minimal progress. That’s because we use positive energy to combat negative energy. In this world of duality, where there are always opposite sides to every condition, both sides have to eventually show up. We stay positive, positive, positive only to get frustrated and give up.

A Course in Miracles gets us around this trap, this never-ending cycle of positive and negative swings. The primary tool is to forgive ourselves for thinking we are small, separate selves, born to die, struggling every day to make our way in a difficult world. We are dreaming we’ve lost our connection to God, but we can wake up. We are the holy children of God and we don’t have to sacrifice and struggle. When we forget who we are, the One Self, we think we’re flawed, lacking, and alone. This makes us scared and we do all sorts of things to ward off our fears. We are afraid of not having enough money, so we make a resolution to put more money into our IRA. We are afraid of getting sick, so we resolve to cut out sugar. We are afraid our relationship will fail, so we resolve to stop saying mean things.

Then we break our resolutions and feel worse than before. The only thing we ever need to do is forgive ourselves for forgetting who we are. Then everything else falls in place. A Course in Miracles reminds us in Lesson 96, “Although you are one Self, you experience yourself as two; as both good and evil, loving and hating, mind and body. This sense of being split into opposites induces feelings of acute and constant conflict, and leads to frantic attempts to reconcile the contradictory aspects of this self-perception.” Hence, we affirm, visualize and make affirmations to change our circumstances in a desperate attempt to improve ourselves. But those things won’t bring lasting healing because attempts to change the body or the world are a denial of Truth. “Until you have accepted this (that you are Spirit only, not both Spirit and a body) you will attempt an endless list of goals you cannot reach. If you are spirit, then the body must be meaningless to your reality.”

How do we forgive ourselves? Forgiveness is an attitude, so we can do it through anything that reminds us of our True Nature. We can say, “I forgive myself for identifying with my small self. Holy Spirit, help me to see my True Self. I choose love instead of fear.” Forgiveness does not attempt to change the outer world, but to change the mind that is dreaming it is a body in a fearful world. Then problems that appear to be outside of ourselves automatically clear up. When we ask the Holy Spirit to change our perceptions, the world will appear to change, because we have chosen love instead of fear.

This year be kind to yourself. Forgive those New Year’s resolutions before you make or break them. Your only task is to recognize your divinity, fully own it, and let the Holy Spirit take care of the details. This is the easy way. Plus it’s the only way that ultimately works.

There’s more information about finding your True Self in my book Breaking Free: How Forgiveness and A Course in Miracles Can Set You Free. It is available through Barnes and Noble, Amazon and at www.lorricoburn.com.

By Lorri Coburn, MSW

Mania or Miracles?

Jim Raleigh lay strapped to a metal table, convinced he was Jesus Christ. As Jesus, he knew his mental powers could break the straps, but when the straps stayed put, he concluded he must be just one of Jesus’ helpers. Jim has manic depression, also called bipolar disorder. He was institutionalized 14 times before he starting gaining control of his erratic moods, which swung between excited mania and desperate depression. On a trip to the mall with the mental ward group, Jim noticed a book called Love is Letting Go of Fear. Having no money, he slipped the book into his pocket, unaware that the principles of A Course in Miracles contained within would heal his life.

Years later, now stable and at peace, Jim Raleigh has written Mania or Miracles? The Gifts of Being a Manic Depressive Personality. Jim is a courageous man, willing to expose his vulnerability simply to help others suffering with mental illness. He has the chutzpah to challenge standard mental health dogma, which states that biochemistry is the primary cause of mental illness, therefore, medication is the primary treatment. Jim purports that the fearful mind is the source and cause of illness, and credits A Course in Miracles for his recovery. Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Step groups have always emphasized the centrality of Spirit in the healing of addictions, but the mental health community has been slow to catch on to its relevance in mood disorders.

Jim writes: “The answer to my lack of self-control was the realization that the source of my anger was within my mind, but peace was also there. It was up to me to choose anger or peace. Choosing my thoughts determined my external world. The drugs, the therapy, or my choice of environment were just small parts of acquiring the stillness in my mind; the most important process was the choice of my thoughts. How does the racing mind slow itself to rediscover that the answers are already there? We just need to ask the right questions and train the mind to listen, and not wander off before the answer is provided.”

The answer provided is love, the mind’s release of its fearful sense of separation from Spirit, the recognition that we are totally loved, and that we are love itself. The inner voice of love speaks to all of us, all the time, if we but listen.

Jim’s journey is fascinating, and a must-read for individuals and their families recovering from mental illness and substance abuse. (Jim also became alcoholic because he self-medicated in a frantic attempt to tame his manic mind.) Jim is one of the 20% of manic-depressives who live successfully, as he describes, “beyond the cope.” Sadly, another 20% commit suicide from this devastating disorder.

As a mental health and substance abuse professional, I applaud Jim’s efforts to transform the face of mental health by bringing spiritual truth to the table. Mania or Miracles is available from http://www.amazon.com. Jim Raleigh is A Course in Miracles student and group facilitator, who can be reached at jimdraleigh@yahoo.com.

How Could This Happen? The Penn State Scandal from the Perspective of A Course in Miracles

By the Book. That’s the name of Joe Paterno’s autobiography. How, then, could someone revered as an icon of integrity, honesty and morality turn a blind eye to years of alleged rape happening in his own locker room? Joe reported a sexual abuse incident to his athletic director. He did what he was legally obligated to do. He went by the book.

Jerry Sandusky allegedly sexually abused dozens of young boys, luring them in with the glamour of Penn State football. He is seen as a sick pervert who set up a charity to prey on vulnerable kids. Viewed with compassion, though, he can be seen as someone who cares about children so much that he set up a charity for the underprivileged. However, since he also probably felt unspeakable shame for his actions, perhaps in his mind his charity partially atoned for his guilt. The lives he helped somehow offset the lives he destroyed.

We don’t know how Sandusky and Paterno rationalized their behavior. They likely harbored guilt for years and it finally crashed down on them. The Penn State giant has toppled, and if we’re honest, we have to admit that part of us relishes it. As the giant bleeds we feel secret relief, an expiation of our own personal guilt, the darkness we’ve hidden. To minimize our guilt we compare. “At least I’m not that bad—I would have gone to the police. I’ve only fooled around a bit on the side—I would never rape little kids.” As long as we proclaim others guilty, we don’t have to look at our own guilt. They become our scapegoats, our sacrificial lambs that keep us safe as we hide in our false sense of innocence.

We all make excuses. We know we’re doing it because we feel that twinge inside.
When we do something wrong we feel guilty, and like the criminal who returns to the scene of the crime secretly hoping to get caught, internalized guilt demands punishment. We evade our guilt with addictions such as drinking, overeating and facebooking. Perhaps we feel guilty about something wrong we did, someone we hurt, or, as in Paterno’s case, we failed to act when we should have. Joe Pa is every man. Jerry Sandusky is every man. We are all Joe Paterno and Jerry Sandusky.

An oft-heard phrase is, “How could this have happened?” But the opposite is closer to the truth. How could this not have happened? In 25 years as a psychotherapist, the most comprehensive thought system I’ve found to explain human behavior is A Course in Miracles. It states that guilt is the prime motivator for virtually all human behavior, even those behaviors that appear loving on the surface. The source of our guilt is that we mistakenly identify ourselves as separate bodies, rather than recognize the oneness of humanity. We are spirit, but when we believe we are separate we must compete, compare and capture our piece of the pie. The world’s resources are scarce, so when one person gets something it’s necessarily stripped from someone else. Everything we do is done to get something from someone else, even when we think we’re doing things from love.

Tribal allegiance is normally seen as a healthy source of pride. Yet A Course in Miracles challenges this assumption and states we form relationships to make us feel special and ward off our inherit sense of unworthiness and guilt. This dynamic is seen in the cheer “We are Penn State!” As Joe Pa comforted his supporters from his living room window he reiterated the pride of the lions’ motto. “We are Penn State!” This means we are Penn State and you’re not. This means we are better than you. This means our share of the goods is bigger than yours.

Joe Pa’s self worth was tied to his image as the venerable icon of a respected empire. Until he testifies, we won’t know what he was thinking, but it could have been along these lines. “I’ve given my blood, sweat and tears to this program, and no one is going to tarnish Penn State’s reputation. If my defensive coordinator quietly retires he won’t stain our image. After all, I’m paid to keep Penn State on top, therefore I’m doing my job.”

No matter how much we rationalize, though, when we don’t face our guilt, make changes, and forgive ourselves, our shame must inevitably return to haunt us. Our world crashes down on us as we are fired, get divorced, file bankruptcy, etc. Joe Pa’s legacy is forever marred by ignominy, and children’s lives have been shattered.

Since the tragedy has already happened, however, A Course in Miracles offers a way out of the mess Penn State’s in—forgiveness. A Course in Miracles reminds us that we are lovable by virtue of being human, not by anything we have achieved. Conversely, we are lovable in spite of anything we’ve done. Sexual abuse is inexcusable but not unforgivable. Forgiveness does not mean that Jerry Sandusky should walk if he’s found guilty. Forgiveness means we look at the love in him, the part that really does care about kids. We help him heal the shame that led him to attack the very kids he cares for. We help him see that the love and power he tried to get from these kids is available by loving himself first. If Jerry had loved himself, he would never have hurt those children. If Joe Pa had fully loved himself he would never have pursued success at any cost.

Everyone in this tragedy needs love and forgiveness—the children as well as Penn State administrators, Joe Paterno, and Jerry Sandusky. No one heals while guilt and hatred find a home in his heart.

A Relationship Miracle

A miracle has happened! The book that came through me six years ago has finally been published. It’s called Breaking Free: How Forgiveness and A Course in Miracles Can Set You Free. It took six years to publish because I had some more forgiveness work to do, which I describe below.

The book poured out of me after I made the decision to forgive what A Course in Miracles calls my “chosen learning partner.” We usually have two or three major learning partners, and they provide us with our greatest forgiveness lessons. This learning partner has been a man I’ve called my “twin flame,” the soul mate of soul mates. I formed a special relationship with him, expecting that our soul mate relationship, the grandest achievement on earth in my mind, would make my life whole.

It went bust. Right after I had a baby, I left my husband for this man, and then he abandoned me. That was not part of my plan, and I spent the next 15 years raging at him. I’ve spent the past six years alternating between trying to forgive him and raging at how I thought he victimized me. Yet I still loved him and felt terribly guilty for loving such a jerk. Further, I have a wonderful relationship with my partner of 11 years, so I’ve felt guilty about continuing to love another man.

The Course tells us that a special relationship is something we think will substitute for the love of God. We all form special relationships and these can be with people or things. Addictions are special relationships—we fall in love with alcohol or something else, and initially we feel we’ve found what we’ve been looking for. Then it goes bad, as things here on earth often do.

Last week I spoke with a new friend, Jane Lee Logan. (www.janeleelogan.com). I told her that I can’t stop thinking about my twin flame and how guilty I’ve felt about that, since he’s been so mean to me (that’s another story and the subject of my next book). She echoed the words another friend of mine has been saying, but this time I was able to take them in. “Love him! Love him! How can you possibly stop loving him? Love is what you are! He’s your savior! Don’t even try to stop loving him!”

Something shifted in me, and I’ve had tears of gratitude since. I can finally say that this relationship is healed and that I’ve forgiven what my twin flame never did. A Course in Miracles tells us that we are the dreamers of our own dream, so we’re never victims. The person we think we have to forgive never did what we think they did, because life is a dream. When we awake, we see that nothing ever happened and love is all that’s left. When we finally see this, we are free.

I see it! I used to think I needed my twin flame to apologize before this would be healed, but now I see I just needed to open up to total love, no matter what I dreamed he did.

This open heart is a gift like no other. Whoever has hurt you, s/he is your ticket to freedom. Keep asking the Holy Spirit to help you forgive, and you will break free.

Breaking Free is both the title of my book and what life’s all about. You can read previews or order it at www.lorricoburn.com.

Blessings, Lorri Coburn

The Film: The Way

I saw an advance screening of the film The Way, starring Martin Sheen and directed by his son Emilio Estevez. It’s the story of a conflicted father/son relationship, in which the father, Tom, a successful ophthalmologist, disapproves of his son’s free-wheeling, world-traveling lifestyle. Daniel, the son, dies in a mountain accident while hiking el camino de Santiago, the pilgrimage to the legendary burial place of St. James. Tom picks up his son’s remains and spontaneously decides to finish the pilgrimage in honor of Daniel, scattering his ashes at sacred markers. Along the way he meets up with three other pilgrims, as different from himself as he and Daniel. The four make a motley crew that trudge the entire way to the Compostela de Santiago, meanwhile calling each other out on their emotional dishonesty and true motives behind the trek.

Someone asks Tom how he feels about Daniel’s death, and his answer is simply, “How do you think I feel? He was my son!” Now that Daniel is out of the body, Tom is able to have a healed relationship with him, and he sees his ghost several times. Egos use the body to fight and separate from each other, but when we’re in spirit form, it is sometimes easier to release the ego. A Course in Miracles tells us, “The special relationship is a device for limiting yourself to a body, and for limiting your perception of others to theirs.” (T-16.VI.4:4)

ACIM “re-minds” us that we join with others through the mind, not the body. “Everyone has experienced what he would call a sense of being transported beyond himself…it is a sudden unawareness of the body, and a joining of yourself and (someone) else…it becomes part of you and both become whole. This can occur regardless of the physical distance (or) respective positions in space.” (T-18.VI.11; 12)

The Way reflects the goal of A Course in Miracles, the healed relationship. The Way is beautiful—visually, emotionally, and spiritually. It is beautiful visually with its views of the Pyrenees mountains, it is beautiful emotionally with its depth of grief, love and laughter, and it is beautiful spiritually with its message of forgiveness and healing. The Way grabs you at the beginning and does not let you go until the final scattering of Daniel’s ashes into the roaring sea.

As The Way and A Course in Miracles show us, it is never too late to forgive and heal a relationship. Several of my clients in psychotherapy had conflicted relationships with parents who had passed on, and they were able to forgive and heal through their dreams. Is there someone in your life who has passed into spirit form, but whom you still need to forgive? Ask the person to come to you in your dreams or in some other way you’ll recognize. Know that as you put out the call for healing, it is indeed being received, even if it’s not quickly apparent.

I wish you healed relationships. Lorri Coburn

Here’s a trailer for The Way. http://theway-themovie.com/

The Ego's Need to Punish

If you’re drawn to captivating movies, rent The Painted Veil, starring Ed Norton and Naomi Watts. Based on the novel by W. Somerset Maugham and filmed in China with breathtaking scenery, the movie beautifully exemplifies the tangled dynamics of the ego and the miracle of forgiveness.

Ed Norton is Walter, an English doctor specializing in epidemiology and heading to China, while Naomi Watts plays Kitty, a British socialite, eager to escape her stifling family. Walter asks Kitty to marry him, knowing full well she only accepts to get away from home. Walter has the ego expectation of getting her to eventually fall in love with him, epitomizing the ego’s need to “get” love rather than to “be” love.

While in China, Kitty has an affair with a British diplomat, and Walter, enraged, lets loose with the full force of ego vengeance. She asks him to let her quietly divorce him, but he refuses, giving her a choice between two options: he will divorce her on the grounds of adultery (this is 1925 and a woman would be ruined); or she can follow him to a cholera-infested area of China. When Walter’s ego does not get what it wants, he has a compelling need to punish and persecute Kitty, in spite of her apology and appeal for mercy.

Kitty, feeling trapped in the typical ego scenario of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t,” follows Walter to the cholera-stricken region, where he proceeds to ignore her, refusing to exchange even common pleasantries. Kitty eventually confronts him and says he can’t go on punishing her forever, and asks if he hates her. In a moment of truth, Walter admits that he doesn’t hate her; he hates himself for ever loving her and wishing she’d love him.

Walter’s admission that it’s his own self-hatred begins the process of dismantling his ego and illustrates this line from A Course in Miracles: Any concept of punishment involves the projection of blame, and reinforces the idea that blame is justified (T-6.I.16:5). While Walter blames Kitty, he can justify punishing her, but when he quits projecting his guilt, he starts softening toward her, and she responds in kind. This leads to a profound and inspiring forgiveness lesson as they face the dreaded cholera.

Whom in your life are you projecting blame onto? What would happen if you took that blame back and forgave both that person and yourself? You might just experience a miracle, as Walter and Kitty did.

Love and Light, Lorri Coburn