I Surrender

Two summers ago I came a split second from being in what surely would have been a fatal car crash. For two weeks prior, I’d had the premonition that I was going to die. I had told my partner Rod I thought I was done with my lessons on earth, was tired, and wanted to go home to heaven.

The proclamation that I was done set forth a flurry of activity, and I was up past midnight, writing out a memorial service, making sure my financial papers were in order, and setting aside gifts and notes to loved ones. I couldn’t stop myself—things were coming through me on their own, in the same way a book on A Course in Miracles was written through me five years ago.

I traveled to see my daughter at her university, and gave her a valuable gold coin and a card saying how proud I was of her. I thought I’d get in a car accident on the way home from seeing her.

Then the sense of anticipation simply stopped. It was gone. All of a sudden I wasn’t sure where all that had come from.

Five days later, the near-miss accident almost happened. My body jolted as I instinctively slammed on the brakes. I felt my blood run cold. I couldn’t think due to the shock.

After about a half hour of scattered dizziness, I realized what had happened. I thought, “I was supposed to die! What the hell is going on?” I started swearing at God in intense rage. “You had better let me know why I’m still here and what my purpose is, because I sure as hell don’t know!”

That night I opened A Course in Miracles at random to Lesson 191: “I am the holy Son of God Himself.” It reads, “You do not see what you have done by giving to the world the role of jailer to the Son of God. Deny your own identity, and look on evil, sin and death, and watch despair snatch from your fingers every scrap of hope, leaving you nothing but the wish to die.”

That was it! I still had not accepted my true Identity, and that was my purpose. While I still identified myself as a body named “Lorri,” I just wanted to die. What I thought was to be the death of my body turned out to be the death of the ego. At that point I surrendered. I got the message.

Since the near-miss I have consistently reminded myself of my purpose, to remember What I really am. When I know I am Spirit, I have no preference where the body appears to be. I remind myself that I abide in the Mind of God.

What’s occurred since surrendering has been one miracle after another. When the book on A Course in Miracles came through five years ago, I tried to publish and market it, and hit one wall after another. In the past few months, however, serendipitous events keep happening, and the book is being published, and people are asking me to speak and hold classes. I haven’t had to do a thing except act when guided.

Is Spirit (which is your own Higher Self) asking you to surrender? Are you going to kick and buck for five years like I did, or do it the easy way and accept your higher good now? Either way, you’re always in the arms of God, so you’re safe and ok.

I wish you a happy and easy journey. Lorri Coburn